when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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