he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
