shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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