I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
