tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
