i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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