And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize