i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
