Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
