When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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