WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
