Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
