Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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