This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
