I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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