Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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