Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
