where am i from again
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
