Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
