I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
