I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
