four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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