Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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