Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
