i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
