my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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