my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
