Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
