I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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