you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
