I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
