is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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