I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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