Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
