If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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