then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
