Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize