just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
