I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
