Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
