yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
