A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
