12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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