i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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