Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
