Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
