my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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