girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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