He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
