I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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