Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
