Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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