that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
