i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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