I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
