I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
