What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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