I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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