just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
