I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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