I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
