thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
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If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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